We’re talking right. Does not matter if you were talking to him or all of you were talking about something else; chuck that out of your head right now because we are talking. Actually, I’m talking to you and you are listening.
Welcome to the next part. What are we talking about? Well, me obviously. Hello, did you not read the first part? I’m talking to you and I would never do that on my own until I wanted to talk about myself. While we’re on the topic, I’ll make sure that I’ll never let you forget who the life of the party/ crux of the conversation is. Does it matter to me what we talk about? I’m not going to be blatant about it but every time you try going off topic, I’m going to nudge you back to what we’re supposed to be talking about.
Well, talking about me is a little broad, I mean, I could go on and on about a lot of things but we need to be specific. This lets me butt in to what I want to say whilst saying something useless but also making it seem like I dropped into the topic rather that the other way around.
So, lets say for example, you have a bike and you like riding it? Taking it on long trips, exploring the new and the old with it. Well, that can’t sit with me around because I have a better bike. You wash it once a week? I do it once in three days. But, I’m not a one upper. I have to be at least two three times up on multiple fronts.
But then, I don’t really like explaining myself. It’s more, talk as I go, specifically, talk about me as I go.
If you’ve been civil about this until this point, that is when I take advantage of you being a nice person at the very least. Oh, look, your girlfriend got you a nice gift? Mine made me a personalised poster and gave it to me over a candlelight dinner at a rooftop restaurant at the first anniversary of our first date which was at the expensive restro bar where we got absolutely smashed and had to call a taxi to take us back home. Do you see how I changed the topic while still maintaining to talk about me?
We are one of a kind. We exist everywhere but nobody speaks out against us because we skirt on the borders of civil niceties. You feel I’m annoying but you won’t say anything because you’re too nice and at some level you’re not bothered. But, we won’t go away. We’re always around. We like the attention and we live through it.
So, tell me now, what’s my name?